A Love Letter

Sometimes I think the scariest thing we can do is verbalize our fears. I was teaching in children’s church on Sunday about fears and how God promises to always be with us, even when we are afraid. I talked with the kids about my biggest fear when I was their age. I was so scared of the dark. Our house in Florida had an open floor plan and mine and Evan’s rooms were on one end of the house and my parent’s room was on the other side of the house. During the day, the open space was our kitchen and family room. But at night, that open space was a dark cave full of things that were going to jump out and grab me. I can remember standing at the edge of the pool of light from our hallway, literally holding on to the edges of the wall, willing myself to run into the darkness. But if I made it across that scary place, I knew I would be in the safe arms of my parents.

I know for most people, Valentine’s Day doesn’t necessarily conjure up thoughts of fears. But I guess if you’re me, it does. And my friend Claire is probably saying to herself, “of course it does, you think too much.” I feel really compelled to be honest with you all and share my deepest fears. Because once I named those fears, the Lord led me to do one of the greatest exercises of my life. I took each and every one of those fears, marked them out, and replaced them with what God says about them. And to me, that is the most beautiful love letter I could receive.

My fears:

  1. That I will be less of a woman if I am not a wife and a mother
  1. That I am not worthy of love from someone that really loves Jesus because he will see right through me.
  1. That I have already messed things up beyond repair
  1. I am only worthy of disposable, transient, conditional love.
  1. That I have to say yes to everything because I don’t really believe that I am enough, God is enough, that there is enough

God’s truth:

  1. That I will be less of a woman if I am not a wife and a mother

13For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. 
14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.

Psalm 139: 13-14

  1. That I am not worthy of love from someone that really loves Jesus because he will see right through me.

15 Can a woman forget her nursing child,
that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb?
Even these may forget,
yet I will not forget you.
16 Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands;
your walls are continually before me.

Isaiah 49:15-16

4 Because you are precious in my eyes,
and honored, and I love you,
I give men in return for you,
peoples in exchange for your life.

Isaiah 43:4

  1. That I have already messed things up beyond repair.

 23 For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, 25 whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith. This was to show God’s righteousness, because in his divine forbearance he had passed over former sins.

Romans 3:23-25

I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, that you should not be their slaves. And I have broken the bars of your yoke and made you walk erect. Leviticus 26:13

  1. I am only worthy of disposable, transient, conditional love. 

  the Lord appeared to him from far away.
I have loved you with an everlasting love;
therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you
.

Jeremiah 31:3

  1. That I have to say yes to everything because I don’t really believe that I am enough or that God is enough

 

30 Even youths shall faint and be weary,
and young men shall fall exhausted; 
31 but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint
.

Isaiah 40:30-31

Here’s the thing about fears…once you hold them up to the scrutiny of the truth…they fold. When I stood at the edge of the hallway light and remembered the truth… that this dark expanse that scared the chickens out of me…was really rooms that celebrated birthdays, served my favorite meals, played games, and hosted my family and friends…my fears crumbled. I saw them for what they really were.   The same thing for my grown up fears I listed above. Once I held them up to the truth of what God says about me, they were defeated.

PS I was trying to find an old love note from high school but ran into this gem instead. IMG_2815

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