All the Single Ladies (and Fellas)

If you’re like me and you’re single (by single I mean unmarried) on Valentine’s Day…this post is for you. What can a single person do on Valentine’s Day? Well, we can ask ourselves the following questions…We’re single, so we should have the time:)

1. Are you the person you are looking for is looking for?

I know…you’re like “Amanda, that question doesn’t even make sense. Valentine’s Day has you talking all crazy.” But seriously, think about it. The number one thing I need to be doing while I’m single is to become the kind of person I want to marry. The world we live in puts all the focus on chemistry. Ohhhh he’s so hot, his brown eyes are dreamy (I guess no one says dreamy anymore expect for me, hw for the week: use the word dreamy), I get butterflies when I’m with him (my personal favorite…seriously? Butterflies? Maybe you’re stomach just hurts and you need to take a trip to the bathroom), we have sooooo much fun together AND I loooove him. Doesn’t that description sound pretty typical? And all of those things are great, don’t get me wrong. I’ve dated hot boys. I’ve dated boys with dreamy eyes. I’ve dated boys that I had fun with and I’ve even been in love before….but guess what all of those chemistry things didn’t sustain the relationship.

Andy Stanley, a Pastor in Atlanta, said it best when he said, “when I counsel people going through marital problems, it’s never because of a chemistry problem. It’s always because of a relationship problem. People think love will keep them together.”

Chemistry isn’t going to sustain a marriage. Chemistry isn’t going to solve the issues in my life. Lonely, insecure single people become lonely, insecure married people. How many ladies out there (be honest) think the answer to all of your problems is just to get married? Men you probably don’t view marriage that way, if you do, call me (I kid, I kid). Reality….marriage is not going to solve my problems. Marriage is going to amplify whatever problems I already have. I have a problem with patience. I’m very impatient. When I want something, I get tunnel vision about it. My dad says I’m like a bulldog. So am I suddenly going to become patient because I get married? Hardly. I’m going to bring that patience problem into a marriage and unless I’ve been actively fighting it before marriage, it’s going to be a monster.

The Bible tells me….

Genesis 2:18 “I will make a helper suitable for him.” That’s what God said when he created Eve. So, would I make a suitable helper? If God gave me to a man(or woman if you’re a guy), in your current condition today, would I help him or hurt him in his walk with Christ? That’s a hard question. I know. Answering that question requires me to honestly examine myself…the good and the bad.

So, you’re pretty much saying I have to be perfect

No, no that’s not what I’m saying at all. We don’t have to have it all together. We need to fix our eyes on Jesus and walk with him every day. If we’re walking with Jesus then we’re walking away from sin and progressing spiritually because each day…we’re taking a step.

2. Why is your mate the peanut butter to your everything?

fyi…people always say peanut butter to your jelly, but I love peanut butter on everything. Peanut butter makes everything better.

Why are you attracted to that person? Cause they’re a dime? Well, guess what…they won’t be. He’ll lose hair, you’ll quit fixing yours, etc. Cause they make you laugh? Hey, watch Bridesmaids (funniest movie.ever.). Think about some of the people you were attracted to in middle school or high school. This is not mean-spirited but just to illustrate my point…I briefly dated a guy (let’s call him Mike) in high school. Mike had a tribal tattoo (another fyi, Mike also convinced me to get a tattoo. Unfortunately, I thought Mike was so cool that I got that tattoo), smoked cigarettes, fought in the DQ parking lot (while we were in the drive thru), had a massive exhaust pipe on his truck (like seriously, I knew when he was like 5 mins away from my house because I heard his truck), AND one time while we were on a “date” riding around in said truck (don’t judge, that’s what you do in Mt. Sterling) he saw a deer in a field, stopped the truck, pulled out his gun….and shot the deer (Knowing what I know now…I’m pretty sure that’s illegal). Seriously, Amanda? What was I thinking? Why was I attracted to him? If not for my own benefit but for the benefit of the eggs inside of me saying “Mom, give me a fighting chance. Mike is not what we need.” (I’m not responsible for that joke. Heard it somewhere. Hilarious though).

Sit down, right now, and make a list of the reasons why you like the person you’re with OR even better, make a list of what you want in a mate.

Take that list and use it. Use it to compare to a person you might date. Do they meet your list? Of course, no one is going to be perfect, but the things at the top of your list should be the most important things to you…does that person meet the major things? Do they love Jesus? Do they pursue him above all else? Does your mate bring chaos or disorder into your world? God brought the world from chaos to order and a Godly partner will do the same.

Side Note: if you’re with someone right now and you know deep down that it isn’t going to work with that person , break it off. Don’t go down a road that leads to more emotion and more pain. In the long run, that person will appreciate you letting them move on.

For your viewing pleasure:  In the 9th grade, my mom made me list all of the qualities I wanted in a boyfriend.  By the way, 12 years later I still like the tall boys with dark hair.
For your viewing pleasure: In the 9th grade, my mom made me list all of the qualities I wanted in a boyfriend. By the way, 12 years later I still like the tall boys with dark hair.
fyi...this is what 9th grade Amanda looked like...I don't know how I made it out of the house in that outfit
fyi…this is what 9th grade Amanda looked like…I don’t know how I made it out of the house in that outfit

THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION:

3.Are they God’s best?

Perry Noble shared a great illustration of God’s best. His daughter loves Cracker Barrel biscuits. He came home with a bunch of them one day and she started tearing into one biscuit. All of the sudden he sees her going under the table and he looks and she’s eating the biscuit crumbs off the floor. He tells her, “Baby, do you want another biscuit? We have tons of fresh biscuits on the table. You don’t have to eat the crumbs.” That’s what God is telling us…we don’t have to eat the crumbs. We can have the fresh biscuits.

We all need to believe that God wants great things for us. God is a good God and he wants good things for his children. Ephesians 3:20 “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine”

Ladies… Perry Noble addresses us when he says “He is the King and you are the princess and all He wants is a man that is going to fight for your heart and pursue you for the rest of your life.” Don’t settle.

Ask yourself this question Is this the kind of love God meant when he created Adam and Eve, the kind between two people that truly reflects His love for us (the 1 Corinthians 13 kind,) or are you settling for less than God’s immeasurably more than anything you can ask or imagine?

2 thoughts on “All the Single Ladies (and Fellas)

  1. I love, love love this blog!!!! I wish it had been around 20 years ago!!! I am happily married. The only thing that I dont love about my husband is the fact that he is my second one. That is my fault, not his. I did not listen to my eggs screaming out!!!! I certainly did not even try to listen to God before I got married the first time..BIG mistake! Now, I love God more than anything else and my husband and kids benefit a great deal from my love of Jesus!!

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