My main goal with this blog is to minister to people who are going through, have gone through, or will go through things I’m dealing with or have dealt with. One thing that has been prevalent in my life lately is pain. Mainly, I am dealing with a loss in my life…how do I respond, move on, and learn from it? A wise person once said, ” all of life is one going through a loss” It took me awhile to get on his level because I equated loss with death of a person. What I’ve come to find out is that loss occurs on all different levels and stages.
The first time I really experienced real loss in life was when I was diagnosed with diabetes. Being diagnosed with diabetes was essentially the death of a former life (I know, sounds super dramatic, but hear me out). The life I used to lead, where the word “diabetes” wasn’t a part of my vocabulary, let alone a part of my body. The diagnosis was a tough pill to swallow. First, I was in denial. Then, I was sad. I was sad for the loss of a former carefree life where I didn’t prick my finger 8 times a day, didn’t give myself shots 4-6 times a day, where I could go out and run and not think about my blood sugar dropping low. At this point in my life, someone a lot wiser than me led me to a great sermon about Jesus and how he dealt with grief and loss.
I think a common lie that Christians and non-Christians alike tell themselves is that being sad is wrong and bad. Being sad shows weakness. My prayer is that this post helps you realize that it’s ok to be sad!!
When I was diagnosed with diabetes, my response to the sadness was to go into crazy management mode. I read every book that mentioned the words diabetes, carbs, insulin, blood glucose, etc. I’m not saying that educating yourself about what’s going on is a bad thing, but I was using this as a way to keep the sadness away. Matthew 26:36-45 provides a clear picture of Jesus dealing with loss. In this passage, Jesus is “sorrowful and troubled.” He is troubled to the point of falling on his face. Often times, society, the church, our peers tell us that “falling on our face” is a bad thing. Picture this dialogue….Jennifer, “Hey Sarah, how are you today?” Sarah, “I’m so sad. I cried so much last night that I literally fell flat on my face out of grief.” If most of us were Jennifer we’d be like ummmmmm sorry, hate to hear that…maybe you should talk to someone. Then we would walk away and be like dannng, girl is MESSED up! (FYI Sarah and Jennifer are my cousin’s names and this is a total fictious account). We are taught to believe the lie that feeling grief and sadness means we are messed up and/or crazy people. If you are a member in a church, you might feel like others would think you lack faith in God. I would argue the opposite. When we open ourselves to feel loss, sadness, and experience grief we are opening ourselves up to the loss of control. We are saying, “I’m not in control of this situation. I don’t know why it happened to me and right now that’s ok. I don’t have to have all the answers and the whys figured out.”
Hang in there, I know this is a long and serious post, but I really feel compelled to share it with you because it is something that is very real to me.
The second step is the falling. When we allow ourselves to experience pain and loss we allow ourselves to fall. Falling goes against our very nature. Falling seems weak. I would say the opposite. Falling allows us to ascend to a place of humility…the foot of the cross. Your self-will and stubbornness start to break.
I would like to leave you all with this thought from a sermon on this very issue: “As we let ourselves go at this grieving and loss and we’re learning to fall we are unlearning control.”
In the spirit of losing control, I am losing control (and my mind) by sharing this video! Ps I might have made it in the car. No judging! PPS I know, the beginning picture of my face is just too beautiful for words. I know.